dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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