y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
