I cockslap morals
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
