I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
