Is it because I queefed?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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