it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
