I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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