my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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