plz talk dirty to me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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