miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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