i just google imaged poop.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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