I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You made out with two different species that night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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