I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
