Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
