she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
