none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
