I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
