No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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