Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Someone signed my nipple.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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