My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
