Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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