You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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