And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
