Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
