I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
