Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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