So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
