i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
