I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
