So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize