So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
