Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
