why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There r osticjed everywhere
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
