Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Is it penis luge time yet?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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