He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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