Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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