just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
