FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
