dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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