Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
