Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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