how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
