Do you still have your period?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
