There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
