when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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