im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
