Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
