i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Barsexuality is the new black.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
