Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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