I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
