he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize