I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
