Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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