Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
