Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
