I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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