Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
