i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
