he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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