2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
