Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize