I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
