That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
