Please, let me fuck your mom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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