filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
