went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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