3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
