Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize