he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
