Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need a beard to bite.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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