Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
