Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
