Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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