did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
