I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
