DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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