im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
