there's paper in my vomit.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
