Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
