you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
